tsukuyomi dreams
by walkingonempty
Summary: Itachi breathes but the entire time he imagines he is drowning. Five lives that Uchiha Itachi could have had and the one he actually did. Implied past Shisui/Itachi.


**Disclaimer: I don't own Naruto or any of the characters; they belong to Masashi Kishimoto. I don't get any money from this.**

 **Warnings: Character death. Hints of past Itachi/Shisui and potential Itachi/Obito.**

 _"One's reality might be an other's illusion. We all live inside our own fantasies."- Itachi Uchiha_

* * *

Breathing feels like drowning, but it's the breathing that hurts—not the pain in his chest. He does not want to swallow the liquid that Madara is spooning towards his lips. He wonders if this is how Shisui felt as the Naka River bore him down in its soft waters.

Itachi closes his mouth and stops his breathing just for a heartbeat. Then, he opens his mouth obediently as Madara pours the medicine down his throat. It pools at the back of his mouth and he chokes.

"Easy does it," Madara croons, "you're sick. How do you think Sasuke would feel if you died right now?"

 _Happy_ , Itachi thinks. He spits out some of the drink and it trickles down his cheek with blood-tears.

"I can make the pain go away. Just open your eyes and let me in. You know it will make it easier."

Itachi opens his eyes to meet Madara's; both of their eyes begin to swirl and the world turns black and red. Again, Itachi wonders if this is how Shisui felt drowning.

* * *

 _one_

Water falls like rain, rinsing away his sins away along with the blood. Even as Hokage, Itachi still does not much like killing. Each life is still precious to him; each life he takes feels like he is the one dying.

Itachi looks at the straw hat tossed on the pile of dirty robes beside the shower. His mind feels like it is going to collapse with his body. He stumbles and a pair of strong arms catch him.

"It's okay," Shisui whispers into his back, "Orochimaru's dead; you defeated him. He won't attack the village again. He'll never touch Sasuke again. Sasuke is safe."

 _Sasuke is safe_ , Itachi thinks smiling as he falls asleep in Shisui's arms.

…

 _two_

"No," Itachi says flatly. Behind him his ANBU squad and fellow jonin—Yamato, Yugao, Kakashi, Anko, Shisui, and the rest—are sniggering.

"Come on, just one little kiss," the white-haired man begs. "A girl like you would serve as inspiration for at least two more books."

Behind him, Shisui and Anko burst out into guffaws. Jiraiya squints and his drunken mind finally comes to the conclusion—

"Oh, you're not a woma—"

For once, Itachi's eyes do not hurt like hot pokers as they bleed red. Itachi puts up a token protest, but in the end he lets his friends drag him away from the bar they had dragged him into in the first place.

Outside in the moonlight, the village is beautiful. Kakashi and Gai posture, Anko tries to snatch Asuma's cigarette, and Shisui leans into him and mutters, "Don't be upset, 'tachi. You can't help being incredibly pretty."

Itachi rolls his eyes. His friends are idiots. His idiots. In his village.

He does not know what he would do without them. How he would breathe without them.

...

 _three_

Mikoto stands by his bedside. Her face isn't fearful and she is trying not to smile. Wind and sunlight blow in through an open window. Black feathers float around them, landing in his mother's hair and Itachi's pillow.

"Really, Itachi," she says. "Sasuke is thirteen and has giant snakes for his summons, but they still make less of a mess than yours do."

A crow flies in through the window and lands on a bleary Itachi's head. Mikoto laughs and once again is the most beautiful woman Itachi has ever seen instead of the most broken.

Itachi tilts his head and tries to remember when it was his mother knelt before him crying. Itachi tries to go back to sleep, but he cannot.

...

 _four_

Itachi decides to talk before he kills this time.

Itachi kneels before his father, waiting for the answer he dreads.

But all his father says is, "I understand now, my son, that you were never meant to be a killer. Sasuke was never meant to be one either."

Itachi cannot say anything as his father continues and agrees with Itachi that perhaps it is time for the clan to stop the hatred and warfare that legends claim is in their blood.

 _This, this cannot be real_ , Itachi thinks as his father embraces him. He does not understand why he wants to cry when his father calls him a gentle child.

...

 _five_

Sasuke is grown and he smiles. His eyes trust like a child's. Itachi leans forward once more to poke Sasuke's forehead but hesitates.

"What's wrong, brother?" Sasuke asks.

Itachi backs away.

"Brother, come back to me. I love you."

Itachi's eyes burn and he screams.

* * *

Itachi wakes. Beside him, Madara watches like a shadow.

"It's stopped working on you then?" Madara asks. For once, his voice holds no mockery.

"After a time, it stopped working for me, too, but this world…this world is fleeting and shouldn't be real. Don't regret when you can just make a new world—a real one that lasts. A real one that you don't have to leave. All you have to do is keep breathing until then."

"Keep breathing," Itachi echoes. He moves a finger to feel Madara's heart and surprised that it's beating. Itachi doesn't know whether to laugh that this should-be-dead corpse feels warmer than him. He would not have thought that. Itachi closes his eyes and imagines his heart has stopped beating.

…

As he falls, Itachi tries to poke Sasuke's forehead, push Sasuke's hair out his face so he can see his no-longer-child eyes once last time.

Sasuke's eyes look like their mother's before she died. Sasuke is flinching away as he snuffles, "I hate you, I hate you."

Itachi backs away. "Forgive me, Sasuke, but this will be the last time."

As Itachi falls, he hears Sasuke's howl-scream-cry. Itachi is tired; he has caused so many of Sasuke's cries.

Itachi's face falls in a puddle of water and he begins to choke on his own blood. Itachi is dead before Sasuke can bring himself to turn his brother's body over.

…

No matter what Madara says, this is Itachi's real world. It isn't fleeting because it always lasts. Itachi does not wait for something that never was or never will be like Madara; he does not wait to wake up from a nightmare. Itachi waits for Sasuke to let him sleep. Until then, Itachi breathes but the entire time he imagines he is drowning.

 _Funny how things end_ , Itachi thinks as Sasuke's faint breathing begins to fade. He's not sure whether its him or Sasuke who is dying; he cannot bring himself to care. The water feels cold beneath him.


End file.
